Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
