i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
