I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
