she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
