i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
