i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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