Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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