I wish I could punch you in the face.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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