You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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