rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
