Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
