Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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