My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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