this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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