Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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