so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize