Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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