from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We left the knife in your bed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
