He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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