I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've blown a few things in my day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize