I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
