He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
