i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
