Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
