I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
