just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
