He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize