you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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