now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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