I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize