On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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