that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
tell me about the eggs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize