i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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