By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
