I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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