how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
