I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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