I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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