Who did Billy Mays play for?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
