So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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