I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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