Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
