So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
