i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
