I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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