That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
