He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
