she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
