his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
