ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
