I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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