She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
