i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize