he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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