On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
