Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
