did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
