i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
