so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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