So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize