Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
