just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
