i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
