apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
