I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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