Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
