And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize