The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
