Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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