hell yes lets make some ravioli
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
