Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
