this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
