operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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