He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
