Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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