Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
