Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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