Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
