I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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