i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
