I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
