the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
