Where is the hickey?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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