I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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